Two species, One Harsh Reality
by Ivan the Great
Summary: In retrospect this is bordering on madness. It's just a little fic for the giggles. I take nothing seriously these days.
1. When logic will do it for you

**Two species, one harsh reality.**

**By**

**Ivan the great**

A/N: I am perfectly all right with the majority thinking that Soren is homo sexually involved with Ike but please no flames until I've written the whole thing. Then just go ahead. On a side note I'd just like to say that my support of the Soren and Lethe stories is simply because there is some potential there.

Disclaimer: I do not own anything in the Fire Emblem series, all of which is the property of Nintendo.

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Chapter one.

When logic'll do it for you.

Soren knew he was dreaming because he was naked, and in most real world situations it would be totally illogical to do such a thing. However now you add the fact the in this state of REM sleep he his having, what is to his present world view a night mare, visions of sleeping alongside of a laguz by the name of Lethe, and this whole mental scenario goes right off the charts. You must understand that Lethe is a highly irritable Laguz who, in the real world, about two hours ago tried to tear his spleen out through his throat.

Continuing with his dream Soren noticed that he glued to the bed and all at once the blanket is blown off the bed as the tent is lifted away for all the military encampment to see a sleeping laguz (naked) cuddle up against startled Beorc (also naked).

Now for all of you youngsters out there listening who may be a little confused about why Soren was scared to be in bed with somebody of the opposite race and gender, I must clarify that In those days integration hadn't happened being in bed with a laguz was a major taboo violation, also being branded was not the new black, (which by the way was actually black at that point, it looked good on everybody).

Soren woke suddenly in a cold sweat and looked around the room. It was his tent in the camp and that meant that Lethe was not likely to be within twenty meters.

Unbeknownst to our panicking friend in the tent Lethe was about ten meters away having a hushed argument with a severely drunk laguz by the name of Ranulf. Now the thing most people would mistake about Ranulf is that he is only crazy in times of peace, when matter of fact Ranulf was just about crazy whenever he wasn't up in front of royalty. For instance Ranulf had gone into totally suicidal combats on several occasions, the most notable of which was his attempt to take down the Black Knight of Daien single handed.

"Ranulf, I totally understand that you're a drunken, catnip addicted, pervert, but I really don't understand why you find the prospect of rolling down hills in a barrel trying to hit passers by, so funny!"

"Actually Lethe, the reasons *HICK* quite simple… The rush of the barrel rolling gives a greater rush then the local breed of catnip. I think it *HICK* may be due to the wine soaked into the wood."

"That's the last time I leave you to your own devices _commander_. You're a bad influence on the younger troops!"

"Would you lot quit yelling!" came the voice of a Gallian soldier from the nearest tent.

"As I said" Lethe continued in the softest whisper imaginable "We've got to do something about all these drunken escapades of yours, couldn't you go back to being a regular old pervert instead of being a drunken, catnip high, one… Alright the cat nip I can understand but the drinking has got to stop. If you stop getting drunk then it might not get out to the world what you're making practical use of every hole in the tent of every female Gallian soldier present. If nothing else then quit using the holes in mine." With this the royally pissed of cat warrior dumped Ranulf on his rear and stormed off without giving the customary salute.

"Well that went well." Said Lyre, Lethe's twin sister, walking casually into the clearing. "I wonder how drunk you really are Ranulf."

In answer to this Ranulf tilted his head to one side and said "Right, who are you then?" Lyre didn't say anything else, Ranulf was usually drunk after a battle, but this had been one big battle which meant that Ranulf's hangover could put him on the technical status of 'luggage' for a good few days. Without another word Lyre mustered a heck of a lot of guts because she knew she might never get another chance like this again, before swooping down to cling to Ranulf and kiss him full on the lips. This lasted for several minutes as Lyre slowly undid Ranulf's shirt.

When Ranulf was found by Skrimir the next morning, the lion king's nephew was dumbfounded to see his second in command passed out on the ground, half naked. The next person to arrive on scene was Soren, then Lethe, quickly followed by the kitchen staff of Oscar, Mist, and a couple assorted Laguz.

"I want whoever did this found!" bellowed Skrimir.

"No need for that Skrimir I found out who it is already, the drunkenness was a ploy!" Said Ranulf buckling his belt, pulling on his shirt and marching off do deal with Lyre. (You'll hear what happened there once you've heard a few other things.)

A few hours past and Ranulf missed breakfast, which surprised no one, it was the day after a battle and he usually wasn't awake at this point. After breakfast Soren went to weapons supply tent. It was just as easy to manage as the mercenary group was because those were essentially the only people in the laguz alliance who needed weapons. The inspection passed uninterestingly until Lethe bounded in and leapt into a crate closing the lid behind her. It didn't make sense until Soren heard Ranulf shouting;

"Lethe! Wait! It's all just a misunderstanding!" Ranulf burst into the tent this time he wasn't wearing his usual head gear, his shirt was unaccounted for, he routinely had to hitch up his pants which were suffering from lack of belt, his hair was messier then usual and he had the unmistakable smell of salmon lingering around him, and on top of all that his skin looked like somebody had taken a clear coat to him because his skin was reflecting even the dim light of the tent.

"What the hell happened to you!" demanded Soren slightly taken aback.

"To say the least, Lethe caught me with my pants down. She wouldn't happen to be in here, would she?"

"No but she would have to bribe me not to tell you if she was." Answered Soren simply crossing the tent to sit down on the crate Lethe was hiding in.

"Alright but if you see her please tell her that I'm in love with her sister weather she likes it or not!" Ranulf left, presumably to find his cloths and Soren placed a heavy box on top of the crate and looked into the hole on the side of it.

"Okay Lethe I'll let you out but you've got to tell me what you saw, and then tell me what Ranulf's problem is." Soren removed the box opened the lid of the crate and helped a disgruntled Lethe to get out.

"Right, so it's not that I have a problem with Ranulf It's that I walked in on him and my sister… mating, to put it simply." Soren blinked in a pathetic attempt to fake innocents.

"Er… you mean like sex, right."

"Is that what you Beorc call it? Weird." Lethe mad for the exit when Soren grabbed her wrist. "What?" she asked spinning around.

"You didn't tell me what's up with Ranulf."

"Goddess, don't get me started, that Fur brain has been annoying me longer, albeit milder and less in a 'ticking me off sense', then you have. Now quit bothering or I'm gonna gut you three ways 'till Tuesday." That threat made absolutely no sense to Soren, who let go of Lethe who stormed out of the tent, tail thrashing violently, ears flat to her scalp.

_And yet there's just that something about her that forms a protein string in your brain in response to external stimuli, isn't there. _That's about as far as Soren's subconscious got before he dismissed the thought completely, _I'm not burning up on the inside because of love… and I'm not even going to question myself on that._

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A/N: Alright, I think that went well, I'll accept mean reviews at the end of the whole thing so you'll all just have to keep reading. (Evil Laughter!)


	2. there goes the logic

Chapter two

There goes the logic

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Soren dreamt again the following night; it was even less pleasant because he seemed to be sitting a table talking to a clone of himself who was showing him various images the most notable of which went something like this:

_Lethe was wandering towards Jill, who in the present war was the enemy, but it didn't really matter, Lethe approached Jill and said,_

_"Jill we can't keep going like this, we're violating at least two of the greatest rules of all time by doing this... you just don't care do you?"_

_"Lethe, I'm not doing this because I feel the need to rebel, I'm doing this because I love you." Jill was standing close to Lethe now, and then took a step closer and pulled her into an embrace. The scene unfolded as Jill rubbed Lethe's lower back and Lethe ran her fingers through Jill's ponytail eventually undoing it all together._

_"Nobody ever needs to know." Jill reassured Lethe, before kissing Lethe full on the lips._

Soren was brought back into the table room as the vision ended.

"Now don't try to lie to me because I'm part of you, you became incredibly hot-in-the-nether-regions just now and not simply because of two girls making out. Because I, by which I mean you, experience every aspect of your sad emotionless life, it sucks by the way, I think it's safe to say we should create a revised version of chapter one paragraph twenty eight".

Soren, again, woke with a start.

_ And yet there's just that something about her that forms a protein string in your brain in response to external stimuli, isn't there. _That's about as far as Soren's subconscious got before he dismissed the thought completely, _I'm not burning up on the inside because of love… am I?..._

Soren couldn't quite come to grips with these sudden feelings towards the woman who had threatened to gut him in ways nobody could quite understand, he was, for the first time since deciding to be an emotionless creep, in severe emotional turmoil.

_That's what you get for keeping it pent up so long! _Cried the annoying voice of his subconscious.

_Shut up you or I'll throttle you!_ Soren said to himself.

_I have a name you know! _Said Subconscious.

_Like I care, It's my brain so I'll throttle you whether I know your name or not!_

After coming to grips with his divided psyche, Soren went to breakfast where he employed an idea that his other self had suggested.

_Cover your self with catnip and tell nobody, then pay her absolutely no attention whatsoever, next time you have the chance slip a little catnip into her tea._

So Soren did just that and when he got the chance he stole some catnip oil which Rhys kept around to sedate injured laguz. When he got the chance he slipped some into Lethe's mug, and later that evening he went to check the weapons making sure to pass right past Lethe as he did. Upon entering the weapons tent Soren didn't look behind him as Lethe slunk into the tent. Lethe wasn't wearing as much as usual, and for her, not as much as usual, was something along the lines of her normal shorts and a T-shirt which only barely covered her breast, the over all picture was stunning, her lean flanks and thighs, those amethyst eyes and those ears matching the tail and hair color.

_DOWN BOY! _Yelled Soren's other half in his ear _Don't get any ideas, this is usually the hardest part of any relationship, whatever you do, DON'T GIVE IN TO TEMPTATION! Kiss her once on the cheek or lips whatever you're more comfortable with, then carry her back to her tent. You'll be noticed by Lyre but that's fate, and if you wait too long you'll have to re-administer the catnip which would make her realize it's you doing this to her, just get her back to her tent, she's just stoned enough to see blurry and just clean enough to remember that it's you._

_Quick question?_

_Yes?_

_Why do I have to kiss her_

_It's so she'll come looking for answers in the morning._

_Real helpful._

_You're Welcome._

And so, annoyed by his subconscious, Soren walked over to the drugged Lethe and scooped her unconscious form into his arms and carried her out into the night. He made sure the Ranulf and Lyre weren't having fun in Lethe and Lyre's tent before entering, Lyre seemed to be sleeping so Soren didn't give her a second glance. Depositing the stoned but still conscious Lethe in her bed, he leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek before heading off to his own tent with a small grin on his face, ( a miraculous feat for the usually emotionless tactician.

"O' Ashera!" gasped Rhys emerging from the dining hall tent "It must be a sign from on high! Soren… Smiling!"

"Nice to see you too preach." Said Soren as he walked off towards his tent where he fell asleep without event changing into his night cloths.

End chapter two.

A/N: Well that was good, no? Actually I just remembered, you're not supposed to tell me I suck till the end of the whole fic… Jerome, I'm lookin' at you!


	3. Answers

Chapter three

Answers

Lethe woke with birds chirping around her head, not literally, but her head was definitely ringing. She looked over at Lyre who was getting dressed into her usual clothes of which she had at least five identical outfits.

"What… happened?" asked Lethe, still a little groggy.

"You know that tactician guy, Soren? He came in with you in his arms and sets you right down in your bed. I swear it looked like he kissed you or something." Springing out of bed all signs of grogginess gone, Lethe dressed quickly and sprinted towards Soren's tent.

Barging in without knocking, Lethe stopped dead when she was met by a mostly naked Soren who seemed to have just gotten back from his morning swim in the river.

"Pardon me for barging in like this, but why did you carry me back to my tent, aren't I capable of walking? And on top of that you kissed me! I really wonder what got into your tea!"

"I wonder what got into yours! You can't really expect me to do nothing if you come in here stoned out of your mind and half naked! If I had just stood by and let you do whatever you could've hurt yourself, I'm right next to the weapons tent for Ashera's sake!" exclaimed Soren to Lethe who had turned around so as to let him pull his robes on.

"That still doesn't explain why you kissed me!" shouted Lethe

_Quick! Pull the old; you really are so blind as not to notice I love you, on her!_ Shouted Soren's subconscious.

"You laguz may have really good senses and all, but you, you're really so blind as not to notice that I love you" Lethe didn't have to look dumbfounded for long before Soren pulled her in close to him and kissed her. It lasted for a good five minutes, Lethe really got into it, by the end they were both so out of breath that they fell to the ground in each others arms. Soren leaned back against a box, panting.

"Why didn't you just…*Gasp, pant, sigh*… tell me." Lethe said in a voice barely above a whisper.

"You would have gutted me three was 'till Tuesday." Said Soren as he caught his breath.

"No… You're really okay after… you get down to the emotional core at the… center of the crusty outsides." With this Lethe passed out fainted across Soren's chest and soon began too purr, loudly.

The moment would have lasted well if not for Ranulf walking in on the pair of them.

"Uh… I'll leave and pretend I never saw that." He said turning on his heal.

"Well, if he knows, this won't end well" said Soren. A few minutes later Lethe came too.

"Ranulf saw you here with me. I don't think he'll keep it form the public for more then two days."

"Don't worry about him, I'll just ask Lyre if she'd like him to take my spot in the tent."

"Where will you sleep?" said Soren already realizing the answer.

"Here, you don't have a room mate so it's not like anybody would care."

Over at Lyre's tent, Lethe's sister and Ranulf were having some fun, when Ranulf passed out earlier then usual, Lyre sat up and held his head in her lap. When he finally came to she smiled and said.

"Something must be on your mind if you passed out after only that long. What's up?"

"I saw Lethe lying on top of Soren when I went looking for him about some herbs that Rhys lost. She actually looked like she was enjoying it."

That evening, Lethe told Lyre that Ranulf could move into the tent with her because Lethe had made other arrangements.

"So does that mean you'll be cuddled up with Soren tonight?" asked Lyre conversationally.

"Shit, Soren was right; we can't let Ranulf leak this out to the public."

"I won't tell, as long as you tell me the dirty little details." Said Lyre, a ridiculous grin spreading across her face. Lethe wiped the grin off her twin's face with a pillow and returned to gathering up her things.

That night, as her sister suspected, Lethe was cuddled up with Soren. It was a form off bliss so deep that she almost forgot the racial difference; it would of course be a major problem in the future.

A/N; Wow… Who other then I could have come up with such a cute thing. You must admit that it does make sense.

Ranulf: Two people mistaking love for loathing, and then secretly realizing that they're totally perfect for each other

Me; (pokes Ranulf with a stick) Back in your cage! You're still on probation for telling Lyre!

Ranulf: Not fair! You made me do it!

Me; No, one of my other twenty four personalities did! I've got more splits then I make Soren put up with!

Soren: It's true; you should have seen the job interview!

Me; Bye everybody!


	4. love

Chapter four

Love

Soren and Lethe had many happy escapades throughout the war on the goddess, and one evening they were visited by the goddess of uncertainty, mystery, war, and chaos. Yune entered the room in the maiden of dawn's body, there was nothing visible to indicate that the silver haired girl was possessed, save for the brief moment when Soren saw eternity reflected in her eyes, it was hauntingly amazing, the slack jawed kind not the 'take notes on this chaps, you may never see it again' type. As Yune entered the candles were snuffed out as though a thousand ghostly hands had snuffed them all out.

The starlight from the window became stronger as the goddess spoke.

"Love can be such a tragic thing, you know. I must remind you of the taboo. If Lethe bares your child she will be stripped of her powers to shift, the child will bear the curse of your sins, the brand of the outcast."

"Goddess Yune, is there nothing you can do to help?" pleaded Lethe.

"If you win against Ashera then I shall convince her in time to allow for such a thing."

"If Laguz and Beorc could have union without fear of retribution, then so many wars could be prevented." Said Soren "It's only logical."

"I will give you my blessing so that Lethe's children with you will not be branded but instead the same race as the parent with whom they share gender, but it shall only be unto you, this will not bring acceptance. If I were you I'd prepare for a whole lot of ugly from a never ending parade of stupid."

The words of the goddess did not go unheeded, despite their now more sexually heated escapades, they were on a constant look out to make sure nobody ever found them.

It was a cool summer's night sometime later, maybe about a year later, Lethe and Soren were in the mercenary fort's kitchen pantry. Lethe's chest was heaving and Soren was lacking his shirt. Lethe's leg was draped around Soren's waste and her arms hung loosely at his neck.

Lethe got a rush from hiding with Soren and making out like this, it was just one of those things that you knew you weren't supposed to do, like taking too much ice cream, or stealing your sister's allowance money, both of which Lethe had done shamelessly when she was younger, but being emotionally, verging on sexually, involved with somebody of the opposite race was like being on so much catnip that you wouldn't be able to walk straight for a weak. Incidentally: …enough so that you wouldn't be able to walk straight for a weak, is exactly how much sex Nephenee was trying to convince Kieran to give her, in another closet somewhere in castle Crimea at that same moment.

Lethe let her left hand creep up Soren's bare chest as she hung by her right, still around his neck.

"Soren?" she said meekly "I think I love you. Not the kind you think you have when you kiss somebody for the first time, my first really wasn't all that pleasant and I'll never let that pervert Ranulf live down doing that to me, but the kind you get when you'd risk humiliation, even a public stoning just to know that you'd get to have moments of pure ecstasy like this."

"Really out of character for you Lethe, Two years ago you would have thought that it was treason to do this, you might still think that, yet you'd go to all that trouble just to be with me."

They enjoyed each other's breathing relaxing them in the process. Soren sat down legs outstretched with Lethe lying against his torso.

***

Scientific progress in Crimea was incredible in the months to follow, the invention of the hydro pump, which drew water from the stream which powered it, and boiler, gave way to the concept of bathing daily. The proto type shower was developed by Nephenee who for some reason smelled sweaty almost every morning and had recently set a record for most cramps in one day. The Greil mercenaries were some of the first to have a shower installed and Soren soon after did a lot of research into lenses, mirrors, lighting and one way glass. Of course everything has a dark side and it occurred to a couple of people that certain schemes of mirrors and lenses could be used for rather questionable purposes. Boyd, Rolf, and Oscar devised a large series of mirrors and lenses which according to Soren's research could display an image much larger then it really was at the other end. Installing the apparatus and placing the projecting end in a closet in Oscar's room, the brothers could observe the inside of the shower during the designated shower times of all the female mercenaries. It wasn't long at all before the brothers were spending almost every morning at their perverted antics. It was all going fine until Titainia noticed a piece of glass in a nook in the wall. On closer inspection she noticed that it was actually and extremely convex lens, similar to one of Soren's spotlights. This being decidedly odd Titainia decided to see if it would come loose when pulled. Not only did the entire thing get pulled out but a small mirror was showing in the back the inside of Oscar's closet with all three of the brothers sitting inside.

Ilyana and Mia looked up in shock as Captain Titainia, dressed only in a towel with her pole axe slung over her shoulder, hair hanging loose, came storming down the hall way.

"I'm going to murder those perverts… unless." She said stopping for a moment. Before turning and heading back the other way.

The next day Oscar came back to his room after breakfast and looked in his closet to see captain Titainia eating toast and watch Rhys taking a shower. Oscar averted his eyes from the screen and helped Titainia set it into lighting mode so that she would get better viewing, before closing the door and deciding too capitalize the idea to a few friends.

In no less then a weak the shower times were poster near to Oscar's room as well.

Soren, infuriated at them stealing his research demanded exclusive access to it whenever he so pleased and the brothers were happy to give it to him in exchange for their continued capitalization rights.

Oscar soon realized that Soren only watched once a day… and during the shower time of the mercenaries' only Laguz officer.

***

Lethe still wondered if taking Ike's offer to serve with the Greil mercenaries had been the right choice. He had put emphasis on making use of the abilities of both cultures in order to maximize tolerance in Tellius. Also he needed someone experienced to help cope with the new batch of Laguz recruits. To her it meant seeing Soren every day and that, she supposed, was why she had taken it. It also meant it was a lot harder to cover up for their occasional escapades.

Despite her usual "I HATE BEORC" exterior, Lethe Really let go when she was alone. She would often dance in the shower or sing when she was alone in the woods. She never really stopped to think why it was only when she was alone that she let go of all of life's woes. She was always so hateful towards the Beorc because of what they had done to her people in the distant past 'And yet,' she thought 'I really do love Soren… even the goddess of war and chaos thought so. I am no good at keeping these kinds of things from the world. At least for those few months I went out with Kyza to spite Ranulf we were public about it… GERRRR! And I had to pull away from him because I stopped thinking that it was just to spite Ranulf when I was kissing him in public! I'm hopeless.' She sat in the shower sulking for a while before doing a dance to relieve herself of all the horrible thoughts. The dance really turned Soren on and the sage caught himself drooling

A/N; Sorry for the pointless filler about the invention of the shower, I had to create a way for Soren to satisfy his perverted needs so that Lethe could catch him eventually.

I would like to make a point of saying that I rated the whole thing M because it'll get much more heated in more then one sense later on. Bye Now!


	5. the PMS incident

Chapter five

The PMS incident

The dates had been marked on Soren's calendar for years, it was like the obsession people have with twenty twelve, for that day sometime in May of the year following the war on the goddess was what the Greil mercenaries had always thought of as dooms day. It was the day that a vast majority of the females they knew would go into PMS all at the same time. Soren and a few others had actually prepped a bomb shelter for the occasion. To put in a full list, the girls who would have their time of the month at the same time were; Elincia, Lucia, Ilyana, Nephenee, Astrid, Lyre, Lethe, Mia, Mist, Titainia (which scared a lot more people then you think), Jill, Sanaki (who was thankfully still in Bengion), Marcia, a vast majority of the generic soldiers from Kilvas, Prince Reyson's sister who's name everybody kept forgetting, and, as far as the calculations showed, the entirety of the Holy Pegasus knights of Bengion (Who were also thankfully still in Bengion, because nobody wanted to run into them right about now.).

The day started alright but Soren didn't want to stay to see the rest of it. Eating breakfast in a hurry just as the sky turned gray with Pegasus knights dragging sacks of flour and provisions across the land for no apparent reason. Soren raced to the bomb shelter and would have made it too if he hadn't been pummeled by a nearly naked Ilyana.

"You bastard! I wait for you all this time and never once do you even give me a thought! Do you know how hard it is to go without sex as long as I have?"

"No, and I don't think I'll wait around to find o…" he was cut of by her boobs being shoved in his face.

At about this point, Mia, Mist and Marcia chased Oscar out of the kitchen demanding outlandish things for breakfast. But the worse was yet to come when Titainia brought out the wine and weapons, got severely drunk in a matter of minutes and then went around pillaging the town.

Finally escaping his attacker, the severely disgruntled Soren hobbled over to the bomb shelter and locked the door behind him. Sitting down at the desk he opened a drawer and pulled out the writing materials.

_Day one, a lot worse then we suspected. I got raped, Oscar got chased and I fear for the commander's life. Boyd and Rolf as well as Rhys, Shinon, and Gatrie are all unaccounted for. The land is being shredded by Pegasus knights and there is no word from the outside world. I fear the worst may have happened._

Hours turned into days before Oscar and Soren realized that Boyd had installed Shower scope in the bomb shelter. Peering through it Soren saw Lethe crying in the shower.

"Oscar, I'm leaving for a little bit. If I don't come back before the weak is out, then assume I'm being humiliated, beaten, sexually assaulted or worse." Oscar just looked sadly at his friend before turning back to witling a stick into a tooth pick.

Sneaking through the base was no easy feet. Soren saw things he would not like to have seen but one has got to admit that it's hard to forget the sight of your comrades strapped to the wall or floor or table being raped, dressed up in drag, or otherwise by an army of PMSing females. Rolf almost looked happy with Mist raping him on top of the table while Titainia stood beside them giving Mist pointers. Shinon was not impressed at being forced to watch his student getting raped, but being threatened at lance point is the best motivator that Nephenee and Marcia could give. Soren never saw Gatrie on his way to the showers.

By order of the Subordinate Hierarchy Intelligence Team, I'm not allowed to tell you what happened between Soren and Lethe in the shower, nor am I allowed to tell you who found them or what happened to them afterwards. Let's just say that it took Tellius no more then five days to go into an uproar about this and Yune decided to intervene before accidentally burning down the city where Lethe and Soren were being held on display. The result was something along the lines of Soren and Lethe fleeing to Serenes Forest where they were taken care of by the heron royal family. But you don't need to know what happened after that until chapter six.

A/N: Well… that went well.


	6. Enough with the Silliness

Chapter six

ENOUGH WITH THE SILLINESS!

Soren and Lethe woke up in bed together. Considering their secrete relationship this was no longer an awkward situation. Soren's subconscious hadn't paid him a visit in a long while and Soren admitted that his head was kind of getting lonely in his head.

_Hey pal! _Said subconscious, striding casually into the thought _Not heard from you in a while, makes me think you might have gone psychopathic!_

_Nice to see you again too! _Thought Soren who, in the time it had taken him to get together with Lethe, had become very attached to his neighbor in this split level head.

_Anyhow I thought I'd see how you two were doing but considering that you're in bed with her I doubt I need to ask._

_You got that right!_

With subconscious out of the picture for awhile Soren sighed and nestled down next to Lethe who began to purr softly. How odd, it occurred to him, that ever since…

_**INTERVENTION!**_

We apologize for the fault but we would like to point out that the author nearly violated PMS incident clause and nearly told you what happened in the shower therefore suffice it to say that neither Lethe nor Soren has lost their virginity yet.

Ivan Cooper

Subordinate Hierarchy Intelligence Team

Soren and Lethe enjoyed the hospitality of Serenes for a good long year the herons kept them company and provided food but could detect high levels of emotional hormones and got out of the way before things got too intense.

Soren and Lethe were walking together in the woods near a lake when Lethe stopped to pear out at the water.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" asked Lethe softly. Soren put his hand around her waste and used his other to gently turn her head to face his.

"I can think of something more beautiful." They kissed. Lethe wrapped her hands around his neck and twined her fingers in his hair. He slid one of his arms further around her waste and pulled them together the other hand he put at her hip and slowly maneuvered it through the split in her shorts. She gasped as he touched her rear and promptly fainted in his arms. When she came to, she was leaning against him and he was leaning against a tree at the lakeside. She noticed that he had taken off his cloak and was now wearing his plain black tunic and severely contrasting white pants.

Her sex drive kicked in again and she said "You know it's really hot out tonight." She pulled away for a moment and pulled off her shirt leaving her in her shorts and a bra. She leaned back into his chest and purred seductively.

At this point Soren got so high on hormones that it wasn't even funny as for the rest of him; he was kind of taken aback by Lethe's sudden over dose of sexuality.

"Please don't lie and say you didn't see this coming." Said Lethe in an almost irritated tone.

They lost their virginity that night, Lethe didn't get pregnant, but she did get satisfied. When Leanne and Reyson finally found the two lovers, they scooped them up and carried them back to bed.


	7. Return of the Sage

Chapter Seven

Return of the Sage

Soren's return to the mercenary fort accompanied by Lethe marked the point in the story when things started to get interesting. Unfortunately Ivan Cooper is breathing down my neck right now so I should probably just continue with the story.

Soren and Lethe entered the hall and Lethe went off to make sure her things were still in order. Soren was simply amazed at how the place had grown. It was probably the size of the castle Crimea and had a village just as big around it.

Entering the courtyard he saw a stable where he was shocked to find an entire brigade of Pegasus knights. The main building had been taken up at least three flours and Soren had to find somebody he knew just to learn what had happened.

He opened a random door and found Titainia standing facing a window in a wicker screen she turned as he came in and shut the window in the screen.

"Soren! You're back!"

"Hello Titainia! What happened here? You've redesigned the whole place!"

"Yes, we did this thanks to a grant from the United Tellius fund, this whole place is integration city!"

"Oh… so Lethe and I don't get anymore prejudice for sleeping together?"

"None at all!"

"Say what are you doing with the screen anyways?"

"Do you remember the part of 'the incident' that we are aloud to talk about?"

"Yes." Said Soren wondering where she was going with this.

"Mist and Rolf begged me to keep giving them a How To course about sex. I'm starting to think I was wrong in agreeing, but I owed it to Rolf for what happened, and apparently he enjoyed it so they've been doing it like rabbits ever since. I think it's just amazing the Mist isn't pregnant yet."

"I regret ever asking. Where are my quarters?"

"You and Lethe have a master suit on the third floor, room 309."

Soren departed from the room a little quicker then he would have left most rooms. He walked along the hall way to the grad stair case. He ran into Lethe on the way and they made for the bedroom suit together. Opening the door they saw something most disturbing by both of their standards and Soren made a mental note to hit Ike with a bible the next to he saw the commander. The room was decked out in and red right down to the bed covers. The bed itself was an elegantly crafted four poster with heavy drapes, embroidered with hear patterns. There was a cupboard full of incenses for the soul and a box loaded with bath salts and soap. The only thing even more disturbing about the scene was the armor of the black knight Zelgius, having a spasm on the bed.

On closer inspection Lethe noticed the whole suit of armor smelled of sweat and catnip. Soren wrenched open the breast plate and saw to his horror; Shinon and Lyre; having kinky sex.

"LYRE! What the hell are you doing in My room on My bed in armor that should be locked up in the tower of guidance?" shouted Lethe "And furthermore what will Ranulf say when he finds out?"

"Oh don't worry about Ranulf, my emotional life with him ended with the incident, now we're just '_friends with benefits_'"

"You, creepy little whore! GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!!!" Lyre, naked as a newborn, was kicked out and Shinon didn't even get to explain himself before Soren slammed the armor closed and used wind to throw it out the door and into an alcove in the wall where he promptly hit it with low voltage thunder magic just to hear Shinon scream.

Things slowed down for Lethe and Soren after that despite being in a room designed specifically for sex, they didn't feel up to it anymore. Lethe decided to talk to somebody about it and when she ran into Jill she asked if she could have a moment.

"I know what you mean, ever since I've been dating Ranulf things really haven't seemed to be that much different then when I was with captain Haar. To be honest I think that it's just the idea of it wearing out, from what I understand from all those romantic novels I read to keep from crying when Haar dumped me, this is about the time in a relation ship when the whole thing goes down hill but then he shows up and kneel, and pulls out a ring… you see where it goes from there right?"

"You're going out with Ranulf?"

"That's not the point, the point is that this is the part where he asks you to marry him."

"Oh." Said Lethe before getting up and running off.

Unfortunately for Lethe she was left hanging for nearly four weeks before Soren caught on to Jill's idea of love. They were out on a moonlit stroll by the lake in the woods. When Soren turned to her and said;

"Lethe, there's been something that I've been thinking about…"

_Oh my god! Here it comes! _Thought Lethe.

"It's just that, we've been together for awhile, we've kind of slowed down and I think we're ready to go all the way."

_Umm… alright, if that's how he wants to phrase it._ Soren knelt and pulled out a little box, inside was a dazzling sapphire ring.

"Will you marry me?" his crimson eye's betrayed nervousness. Her eyes betrayed knowing this was coming.

Things were quiet for a long time and then…

"Yes, but only if the author agrees to end it there and move onto something a little less crazy, maybe just a plain old romance…"

"FINE!" boomed the voice of the almighty.

A/N: Next time, Final chapter… *GASP!*


	8. The Final Chapter

Chapter eight

The chapter after the chapter after the chapter after the third to last chapter

(AKA, he last Chapter.)

A/N: This time, Final chapter… *Gasp!* when I say 'GO!!!' at the end of this chapter then you may flame all you like.

Lethe was with Jill, standing in front of the mirror in a room next to Rhys' chapel.

"Don't look so grim, it's only the rest of your life." Laughed Jill.

"Very funny." Chuckled Lethe, putting on a smile. Lethe's wedding dress didn't look all that different from her regular clothes because Mist had made it from a pattern based off Lethe's regular clothes; short sleeved, collar bone completely visible.

Most poked her head in the door.

"They're ready for you."

Ranulf had grudgingly agreed to give Lethe away. Mia, Zihark, Brom Nephenee, Kieran, Rolf, Shinon and Gatrie, were the honor guard making sure to act all imposing with their ceremonial swords which half of them couldn't handle. Mist was the flower girl and Jill and Marcia held the tail end of Lethe's dress.

Soren was extremely glad that all eyes were on Lethe, he was also glad for deciding to wear a cotton under shirt which did a very good job of absorbing his sweat.

Lethe got to the Alter and One of the two twins from the merchant convoy stopped playing the organ; nobody remembered which was which now because all the weapons and supplies were taken care of by bulk mail order.

"Dearly beloved," began Rhys who was wearing a fancier robe then usual "we are gathered here before one maybe two goddesses to join this couple in holy matrimony." Rhys turned to Lethe "Lethe it is your duty to support Soren, to keep a good house where ever it is you settle down, and to bear many children for the pair of you to raise, also if the coin shows tails you will be cooking six days out of seven, if the coin shows heads then you'll be cooking five days out of seven." Rhys turned to Soren. "Soren it is your duty to love Lethe, to comfort her, to bring home a good income and uphold the result of the coin toss." Rhys turned to the congregation "If anybody here sees any reason that this couple should not be wed speak now for forever hold your peace… really? Nobody… OH! Thought I saw a hand in the back…" "Get on with it!" Yelled Rolf. "Right anybody else… no okay. Lethe do you promise to love Soren, to support him, to comfort him, through sickness and in health, including mental health, till death and maybe even afterwards at which point you'll have to renew your vows?"

Lethe didn't hesitate "I do."

"Soren do you promise to love Lethe, to support her, to comfort her, through sickness and in health, including mental health, till death and maybe even afterwards at which point you'll have to renew your vows?"

The moment was set; Soren felt the cold sweat "I do." He managed.

"In that case I now pronounce you husband and wi…"

"STOP!" Yelled a cloaked figure in the back.

"Sorry, we gave you five minutes in the middle no drama here didn't you read the description at the beginning, this is a romantic comedy, not a drama." Said Rhys.

"Why not? They always do this in any romantic thingy." Said Ranulf, removing the generic cloak template.

"Sorry, no can do… AHEM! I now pronounce you man and wife, you may kiss the bride."

The kiss lasted shorter than usual but the passion was back. They ran out of the chapel together and Soren swept her off her feat as the entered the bedroom suit. Lethe stripped off her dress to reveal lacy undergarments she had had made for the occasion. Soren lit a dozen sticks of incense and put a 'do not disturb… or else.' Sign on the door.

The night was noisy. Hands down. The sheets were soaked with more then one body fluid and Lethe and Soren woke up to the smell of waffles cooking downstairs and the sounds of Ilyana arguing with Marcia and Rolf and Mist 'Practicing' in the next room. All was right with the world.

A/N: All right, Class dismissed, except for you Jerome… GO!!!


End file.
